Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Me and the Fat Girl ............

Are going to be FRIENDS if it kills me ............ really it is her i Battle EVERY night
1. she will learn that we have come a LONG WAYS
HEE HEE we will work on that 1st .......

Day one!


*Got this from one of my Good Friends*
I am hoping my inner fat girl will be able to figure out that my slip ups aren't going to turn into a freight train going downhill out of control. When she figures out that I am exercising every day and will continue doing so because it makes me feel good, and when she figures out that this new life is my normal, then she can relax a little and quit yelling at me. I don't think I can make her leave. I used to need her to protect me from getting hurt. When she figures out that I can get hurt but I have learned other survival skills besides turning to food, maybe she will be able to slowly slip into the background. When she sees that loving myself isn't hard anymore, maybe she won't feel as powerful. When I quit being afraid of her and just appreciates her as a gentle reminder of how far I've come, then I will be free to love HER!!Maybe we're not meant to get rid of her. Maybe we're meant to learn to love how she can make us stronger. I am hoping my inner fat girl will be able to figure out that my slip ups aren't going to turn into a freight train going downhill out of control. When she figures out that I am exercising every day and will continue doing so because it makes me feel good, and when she figures out that this new life is my normal, then she can relax a little and quit yelling at me. I don't think I can make her leave. I used to need her to protect me from getting hurt. When she figures out that I can get hurt but I have learned other survival skills besides turning to food, maybe she will be able to slowly slip into the background. When she sees that loving myself isn't hard anymore, maybe she won't feel as powerful. When I quit being afraid of her and just appreciates her as a gentle reminder of how far I've come, then I will be free to love HER!!Maybe we're not meant to get rid of her. Maybe we're meant to learn to love how she can make us stronger.

Monday, March 30, 2009

BACK? ............

To doing OK HA HA HA ok one day i do good lets not get to over joyed right ? i guess i didn't blog yesterday my son had a Wresting meet his last one and he ROCKED the HOUSE *that's my boy * WOOOHOOT he got 1st!
so i packed my Special K meal bar , 2 snacks, 1 special k cereal bar and 1 special K Protine water i only ate the meal bar it was not as long as i thought came home had a GREAT dinner and maintained (ha ha some what ) my cals ending on a good note just a tad over 1,000 now to keep that up !
my Hubby WI yesterday down 2 more lbs for him WHOOT i am so Happy for him he is BEING so strong right now doing way better then me ! but now i believe he is at his lowest in a WHILE and the weight loss bug BITE him hard lol he started at
308 now his is at 265 so lbs lost 43!

Saturday, March 28, 2009


having to come here today and say YET again i BLEW it so now i am down to less then a month from my 5k and eating like a PIG?!!?!?!?
This has to stop i start out everyday with the idea that i will NOT over do anything but then by night i must just get board and EAT!!! EVERYTHING!!! i SUCK!!
so yet again can i DO THIS!!
we as a family got out for a nice walk outside it could be a little warmer here but it was still NICE!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Just some thoughts ..........

HA HA yes more thoughts from me lol as i sit herE i am at almost 1400 cals for the day not bad but i don't need ANY more and i will work on getting that # down tomorrow now ! to just get though tonight!
*Deep Breath*

STAY TUNED..........

DAM Amy.................

Why must you Self Sabotage EVERYthing you work so hard for Over What FOOD??

i was reading a blog yesterday on spark it HIT home so much it was SCARY! it was all about how the world is Against us former FAT GIRLS how EVERYone and EVERY thing points back to uses gaining all our weight back and for any one I KNOW how EASY it is to want to eat EVERY THING in sight but does that mean i want them to be right! HELLL NOOO!! i want to prove them wrong



Thursday, March 26, 2009

Yes i am ADDICATED..................



just thought i would share a pic of the shoes i got Dh for xmas i love FLASHY shoes !

Hanging On By A Thread...........

That is how i feel right now not sure what i want to do i know i have been doing HORRIBLE this week ! and the scale sure did say that

165.3/164.8 ~less then when i took the pic HA HA
Last week
but on sat
160.4(not sure the scale was right but i liked what it said lol)
HOLY MOLY i will spare you all a pic i don't even want to waste my time taking one and downloading it ! (ok so i took the STUPID PIC) have to own it right !
GAH! i have been stuck in the 160's for months now since oct i guess in a way that is NOT a bad thing atleast i am NOT up 50- 60 lbs by now i know them lbs can come back quick but i want to get to at least 144lbs to be at a NORMAL weight for my body frame will i get there ??
Oh i know i just need to take this one day at a time !
I seem to always take 5 steps up then 5 back ! i need to get real for the 1st time in a LONG time !
i don't know why i think since i am thinner i can eat what i want when i want ? is that because i am Happy at the weight i am ? i don't need to be any less? or is that fat inner girl loving her food again ? Who know i just got to keep going !
it is a Month away from my 5k as of TODAY i wanted to lose some weight by then ! i know i ran my last one at over 180lbs so i know my weight would not be a deal right now but i want to NOT feel like a BIG Reese's CANDY HA HA !
my goal this month is to run at lest 30 min every other day (if not more) that way i am ready for the 5k i know my Hubby is going to run it with me so i know we will not run the whole way ( i don't think ) i would love to push him hard enough to do this but we will do what he can ! that is what Together means and that is what we signed up for in this 5k he did tell me if i want to leave him i could just run HA HA what a sweet guy i think i would feel BAD!

2. YOU DON'T NEED CANDY (i know you feel like it but you don't)
3.YOU DON'T NEED TO EAT AFTER 6 PM (really tomorrow is not that far away )

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Calories are UP ..............

For the night i can have a little something but not much maybe some sugar free Jello with some Fat Free Whip Cream and that is it !!!!!!!! so i am going to be downing the water to keep my mind off food !! YIKES!! wish me luck girls !!


Yeah i love THESE TO MUCH................

WILL I............

Get back on track yesterday started out GREAT till i started Supper then it was DOWN Hill from there i ate about 10 RBPE Yes i did say 10 i got in a REALLY great workout last night so i am hoping that sent me to the right way today i really hate how i feel when i don't eat right i am so off , sluggish i don't want to move ! i swear WE ARE WHAT WE EAT YIKE! i must be a giant Reese Peanut Butter Egg by now YUK!
todays is going good so we shall see what i got to say about my day tomorrow

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Reese Peanut Butter Eggs

Please someone come and take them all !!!
i have been eating my weight in candy the past few days I SUCK!
but i cleaned my slate NOT looking back just going to MOVE on ! WI will be VERY SCARY this week ! but i guess i will have to face it right! after all no one was holding me down and making me eat them *DARN i wish that really was the CASE LOL*

Monday, March 23, 2009


NO NO NO NO !! for the past 2 days i have binged ! I HATE WHEN I DO THIS i feel that after i work out so hard i toss all that away for food ?! GREAT! so i bet i will see a gain this week i still have till thur to make up for my BAD eating this week !

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Eating like a PIG!

Yes this is what i have been going since last night so IF i don't get my act together & fast we know that means a gain i am so SICK OF ME DOING THIS YO YO YO YO ! THINK I COULD PUK!! OH I NEED TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER !
so i guess only time will tell if i get my Ducks in a row or not !
I will keep you all posted to see if i do or don't !
i had 2 really good workout today the weather is so nice but my Hubby said snow the rest of the week WHAT?!?!?!? i love getting out side !
i walked 5 miles today and then road my bike for 5 miles to ! now if my eating always went as good as my work outs!

Saturday, March 21, 2009


Last night was my mom's Boyfriend Bday he turned 26 so we all went out eating was really not my down side to the night i didn't have much to eat but my Drinks alone were almost 900 CALS!! are you kidding wow just for something i DRANK well at any rate it was fun so who cares it is NOT like i drink much any ways ! a few times a yr MAYBE lol
I got on the Scale this am (go figure right ) well i lost my weight that i KNEW was water weight so i am down to
160.4 ~ WOOT now lets just HOPE that stays off! after them Calorie PACKED drinks lol

Friday, March 20, 2009

I suck~Happy 1st day of Spring

I WI after all yesterday i am UP 2.1 lbs YIKES to much eating ! i really didn't expect that my numbers did not say that i guess i must have got carried away with the bits i had last week ? unless i gained some Muscle but i wouldn't think that much ? i did lift a few times last week who know at any rate it was a GAIN and THAT SUCKS!

I started my new Spring Challenge today so i HOPE i will NOT see a gain ANYMORE but i think i have been saying that for a LONG time now AH!!


Last week


GAIN 2.1 lbs

29lbs to get to goal

Special K update~

it went good better then i though i was not even finding my self to hungry it all feel just about right when it was time to eat again ! *i think i can do this for a week *

Thursday, March 19, 2009

No Scale for me this week

I got up this am and told myself NO Scale today i know i should WI but i am NOT i ate so much stuff that was salty yesterday i don't even want to think what the scale will say YIKES! i could not even get my wedding ring off this am maybe tomorrow who knows i have another Challenge that starts tomorrow we don't have to WI for it (kinda weird) till next week after it has started for a week so who know i mite wait till that wi but you all know me NOT sure i can go that LONG with NO SCALE lol
Also i started the Special K Challenge this am so lets see how that goes! i felt all i got to eat this am was a BITE of Cereal ( HA HA ) 27 g IS NOT MUCH

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

FAST FOOD & New Shoes ~

Ok so i GAVE in today and ate fast food YIKES ! i loved it to i think it was just what i needed (YEAH right ) but you know some times you just NEED that junk then your fine & back on track !i had a Filet-o-fish med fries and a LARGE (yes Large )Frosty from wendys so tomorrow i am going to try the Special K Challenge it seem HARD there is not much to eat lol but i am going to give it a shot at least for 1 week not so sure about the 2 lol

i got my new pair of Asics i just loved the ones i got for my birthday ! so i had to order my Daughter some track shoes and while i was doing that a pair for MAMA just right in to the cart lol i got 20% off of them or i would have passed we got 3 pairs of shoes for only $106 who could pass that up right;)

Bites OF this and THAT~Happier Fat Girl

So i NEED to make better eating choices YET again this week i have to say this! i am still munching after 6 pm ( I DIDN'T want to do this any more ) i keep telling myself i have been doing good but really ???? have i this week i have grabed little bits of this and that i took a sneak on the scale(yes that stupid thing again ) lets just say my loss i had seen Earlier this GONE! WHAT!! but i have been tracking EVERYthing of course them bits of this and that ! i HOPE it is only because i had a late night snack and that is what made me weight more i guess it will all be told in the am !

i often ask myself this i don't think so well maybe just on different levels so should this really matter to me ??? all i think about 90% of the day is my weight , what i am going to eat , how i look , how much i weigh AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! it gets so DRAINING at times i feel some days i am drowning my self in my "diet" world when i was fat i just ATE what ever when ever how ever and i NEVER thought about ANY OF IT !! but did i have days where i felt like a FAT COW and i wanted to change YEP!
Living life always thinking about EVERYTHING YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH?
Being Fat and wishing you were thin ?????
see you in the Am for WI.................

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Self Sabatage

Yes that is just about what i did last night as i was in SELF pity mode i just started to EAT! and not care what was going in my mouth and when i am done doing this i feel HORRIBLE!
so on top of self Pity last night Lilleigh was sick so she was not in good shape witch sent me in to my emotional eating OMG !! i can't blow all that i have worked so hard for the last 3 wks (almost)
Anther thing that sent me to self Pity is i feel i work my butt off everyday working out i want that STUPID scale to say more then 1lb !!!!
i still have been getting on the scale EVERYDAY !! i can't seem to get grips and STOP! all i see is NO CHANGE WHY!! WHY !!! WHY!!! i have done well this week up till last night and really still done all that with in reason ! i know i have took bites here and there but my Deflect # are GREAT but no LOSS !
(OK so i can't send my self back in to self pity today or i will blow it for sure!)
WI is not till Thur so maybe something will fall off by then !?!?
(this is so why i HATE getting on the scale EVERYDAY (someone LOCK that thing UP )

Monday, March 16, 2009

Bike Rides

yesterday i got a pic of our family Bike ride so i will be posting that it was so nice yesterday we got out for some GREAT workouts
1. i did levels 1 & 2 for the 30 day shred

2. 32 mins on a bike ride

3.54 mins at the track we walked and ran it was so fun the little kids just did what they wanted

my eating is still going good i have not Binged in almost 3 wks WOOOHOOO me i really want to see the 150's this week ! so we shall see !
ok so why is it when i don't SEE myself i always still feel FAT and ugly ?!?
i am so hard on myself then i take a pic and think OMG REALLY THATs ME ???? so i will toss in one of them OMG that's me pics i took yesterday :)

Sunday, March 15, 2009


OK so for the past 2 wks i have been so good only getting on the scale maybe 2 time i seem to always take a sneak peek by wed lol but this week i am BAD i have been on that thing EVERYDAY since THUR. NOT good i don't like it when i do that
how ever i got on this am to see a loss we will not worry about that loss till thur to make sure it stays there lol
the weather is nice here again we got out for a walk yesterday and today we are planning on a bike ride and walk WOOOHOOO can't wait i love nice weather!
yesterday i was sitting in Sutherland at my sons wrestling meet i sat in the same place where i took the pic that changed my LIFE forever! when i got this pic back i could NOT Believe i looked like this there was NO WAY i was going to stay this way so this is the pic that started it all my JOURNEY!! so here is another pic that i took yesterday to just show the difference it is a bad pic but you get the idea don't like the way my shirt was laying i look fat still OH WELL lol

Friday, March 13, 2009

GoodAll Gallop 5K

Me and Hubby signed up for our 1st 5 k of the yr this will be my 2nd but Hubbys 1st i think it will be so much fun running with him! my 1st feeling when he gave me that paper was OMG i can't do this ! my tummy just SANK lol i know i can it is just the though of running with People around lol stay tuned on this ................


Thursday, March 12, 2009

2~ weeks in

i had a loss better then a gain right so why am i not PLEASED?!?!?!? i think i want BIG #'s to be PLEASED i just need to be Happy for what i did do ! AH!! i hate when i get in these kind of moods! "AMY GET HAPPY YOU HAD A LOSS NOT A GAIN "

I need to do better this week make better eating choices to get a better loss next week!



Last Week


Wednesday, March 11, 2009

NOT Feeling so SURE

Tomorrow is Wi and i just don't know what to expect i know i have been tracking my food NO BAD days but i could have done alot better Darn that chocolate fruit & Girls scout cookies! wish me luck for the morning ...................i know for sure the 8.6lbs loss was GREAT! and that will be HARD to fallow!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Emotional EATER!

Yes this is me EVERY time i feel just a tiny bit of pressure i want to EAT!! so the kids come home after school and they are sucking the LIFE from me !!! they were all over the place jumping screaming you name it and they were doing it i could just feel my self wanting to RUN to the food as FAST as i could instead of getting them under control!?!?!?!? WHY! let my emotions get the BEST of me Oh No you don't INNER FAT girl Amy is NOT going to give in that EASY!! so i rounded up the kids sat them down and made them read for 20 mins (they have to each night for book it any ways) WOW! how i saved my self LOL after they were done reading they calmed down !! THANK YOU!!! AMY WON !!! not the FAT GIRL!!!!
it just seems nuts how i want to just RUN to food when the going get tough!!!!????

Monday, March 9, 2009


OH wow after a week of GREAT weather it is Freezing here now and that sucks! i was so enjoying the nice weather getting out side and doing some out door work outs! now back to being STUCK in side! AH! i felt UBER lazy today i did get some cardio in(1HR) but not to much lol oh well some is better then NADA right ;)
my eating is still GOING great i can't wait to see what WI holds for me ! i really LOVE doing what i need to be doing it really makes my life so much better i have not felt DOWN on my self in over a week! just to think what i eat makes or breaks me (Not so sure that is really good) but feeling ON TOP OF IT SURE DOES FEEL GREAT!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

My Birthday

Today is my birthday i had a GREAT day and weekend at that we went out of town but i stayed so ON TRACK!!! i can't believe how great i did ! Thursday we had a little party with my mom & nana i had an angel food cake with fat free Cool whip & strawberries it was YUMMIE!!! today i did get in to my FAVORITE Chocolate covered fruit but did it with in reason

Thursday, March 5, 2009


YES YES YES i made it one week with being good EATING GOOD!! WTG!!! me i think
It feel so good to be doing what i should & not EATING like a PIG!!

We enjoined the nice weather AGAIN yesterday i can't wait till it is nice all the time here i got a great work out in yesterday
26 min~ 30 day shred ~ we are taken Debs challenge & that is to do this every day for 30 days will i make it LOL
30 min Run~ had to try out my new shoes! loved them !
30 min Bike ride with Hubby & Lilleigh ~ she is READY for today's bike ride already lol
49 min Family walk Me Hubby & all the kids!

Today was WI for me and WOOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!
8.6lbs down
Last week

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Almost a Week ! Don't Blow it NOW!

Of staying in my cal goal this week! WI is tomorrow so IF i don't Blow things today i am up for at lest a 1lb loss lol well at this point any kind of a lose is good for me! BUT..............
who showed at my door this AM you guessed it Aunt Flow Can you believe her ! just when i have had a good week (could Have done better like NOT EATING a box + of girl scout cookies)but i HOPE i will still see a loss then on to next week make next week better then this week! there was lots of room for making better eating choices from this week were are going to be out of town for the next 2 wk ends so this mean RIGHT now i need to practice SALAD PLEASE!!! lol

The Weather yesterday was SO NICE we were out in all DAY we started out with a 30 min bike ride Hubby, Lilleigh & me
then when the kiddos got home we went for a LONG walk! 75 mins
today is going to be even nicer so we plan to be out and about today to

Stay Tuned for WI tomorrow!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Girls Scouts ~YOUR KIDDING ME!

All my cookies i ordered got here yesterday OUCH! (14 boxes)i will NOT say how many i ATE we will say JUST WAY TO MANY!
My WI day is coming SOON(thur) I HOPE~ HOPE ~HOPE all my efforts that i have put into eating right this week pays off ! well maybe not Eating Healthy but staying in my cal goal range!
Me ,Lilleigh & Dh had another GREAT bike ride yesterday it was more of a work out when i added the baby buggie to my bike OH well i burned more cals doing it lol
i am getting sick AGAIN!! 3rd time this yr i never got sick when i was FAT what is up with that !?!?

Monday, March 2, 2009

Bike Rides

Yesterday we another GREAT day ! me and Dh got out for a bike ride we have not done that in a while i would say that as long as i have had my bike (for yrs) i have only rode it a few times i always felt off like i was going to WREAK lol but i have been riding the stationary bike maybe that made it easier! who knows but it was FUN! we decided that we would do a bike ride as often as the weather here will let us i looked at the weather today it will be nice all week WOOOHOOO!!!!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

1 yr ago Really !?

OK so i am getting ready for bed and just wanted to share how on TOP of the World i am feeling right now ! i just got done with my run WOW i love running would i ever think i would say that NO WAY NO HOW! but i feel so empowered when i run i know i have been in UBER struggle with my eating i am so glad that my activity never got lost in my food addiction struggle!
i had a ROCKEN run tonight! it just reminded me about what all i want to accomplish with my running this in the yr.
i came across this pic tonight and realized this is what i looked like 1 yr ago today i had NOT started my diet yet but i thought it was nuts to think where i have come from in the last yr!

Getting my Groove Back Day 3

WOOOHOOOO !!! i am feeling so so so good ! my day yesterday went so good i did have a little more cals than i wanted just a tad over 1,400 so that is NOT all that bad !!! woooohooo!!! just need to do a little better today ! i have cut back on my workouts to only burning 400 cals the last 2 days so i hope that don't hurt but i just feel my body needes a little Break lol